Let’s talk labour…😱

Remi Jae Mullings arrived on the 13th October 2019 at 5.30am 6 days overdue! Never did I think she would go over, with my big girls born at 33 weeks due to slow growth and leaking waters, I did not anticipate making it to term. I went off work at 35 weeks with 2 weeks annual leave and then maternity leave kicked in at 37 weeks…..bored is not the word, there is only so much cleaning, organising, shopping and lunching you can do! I was getting quite fed up and short with everyone lol not experiencing labour before and not knowing what to expect or when it would happen was messing with my head. I was thinking what if I am one of those people who doesn’t know they are in labour and then the baby just falls out on the toilet 😂😂😂 ridiculous I know! Everyone mother i spoke to told me that when i was in labour i would know about it!

So I had been avoiding making plans a week prior to my due date and then when nothing had happened i was annoyed that i hadn’t kept myself busy and occupied because the distraction was probably beneficial. I was walking to pick up my big girls from school every day, drinking endless amounts of raspberry leaf tea, having sex most nights which was not really that enjoyable at 40 weeks pregnant (no offence hubs) and bouncing on my big red ball at every opportunity….and yet nothing was happening. 12th October we had a family party to go to, our niece was turning 2, 30 minutes away from home, I was feeling fed up as usual and was preparing for the ‘still no sign of baby?’ Comments 🙄 we literally walked through the door and my waters broke at around 16.30 🙌💦

It started with a trickle and just kept coming, soaked through my leggings and even when I changed it just kept coming and coming…..but no contractions 🤔 my family were asking if I was feeling anything and should I be making my way back home to be closer to my chosen hospital, but other than wet….I wasn’t feeling much else. As you probably know if your waters break and you don’t go into labour within 24 hours you are booked for induction because of the risk of infection, this is something I really didn’t want! So after several hours at the party after my waters broke and still feeling nothing, we decided probably best to go home and ring the hospital. They said that due to my history (previous section with the girls) they wanted me to come in so they could examine me….again something I didn’t want to so as I had been hoping for a hypnobirthing experience and going into hospital in an unfamiliar surrounding with unfamiliar people is not ideal for a calm start to labour!

I went into hospital at 19.30 after cleaning my house to to bottom, still not feeling anything 🤷‍♀️ kind of disappointed and in no rush! They examined me and confirmed my waters had broke….duh! They then booked me in for induction for 8am that morning but offered me a sweep ( I already had 4 sweeps from 38 weeks onwards) I thought what have I got to lose, ouch it’s not nice, it’s really not nice….but low and behold at 21.00 my contractions started hallelujah 🙌🙌 so at this point we were still in triage in the assessment unit, i let them know my contractions had started so they say I can’t go home and want to transfer me to a ward…..ok fine but by the time we get there after waiting and being seen by a DR it was 23.00 and visiting hours had finished meaning that hubby had to leave!!!

What!? My contractions are getting stronger and faster, you want to put me on a ward on my own and send my husband home!? They said he could come back at 8am for my induction. My thoughts at the time, although I had never experienced labour, were that there was no way I was making it to 8am, I was terrified I would have this baby on my own. So he went home 💔😭 and I was put in a room with a random woman, who luckily was kind and supportive and timed my contractions for me because i was so upset. The midwife was not due to examine me for another few hours, due to my waters they limit the examinations because of the risk of infection but at this point I was begging her to examine me because I was convinced I was in active labour (4cm+) luckily she did and low and behold I was 4cm, her words were ‘how quickly can your husband come back’ now i am absolutely panicking that I am having this baby on my own.

Hubby had been home for 40 minutes before i called him back 🙈 he picked up my mom on the way and arrived at delivery suite around 1.00am which was a massive relief and calmed me, having familiar faces around me instead of strangers made me feel more at ease. So on delivery I was allowed pain relief, yay, I used the gas and air for my contractions. I cannot explain the pain of contractions, there is nothing like it, the gas and air made them manageable to a point but they just get more painful and longer until the pain is constant and that is when I lost it and could not take it anymore…….epidural time at 3.45am. I have to admit I am disappointed in myself having an epidural I was desperate to do it the ‘Hypnobirthing way’ but I just could not focus through that pain, I felt like I was being ripped in half and I don’t mean this to put anyone off or scare anyone but to be real because I DID NOT anticipate the level of pain I would be in 🤣🤣🤣 I just kept saying ‘but we are made for this’

They examined me after the epidural was in and I was 10cm 🙈 again disappointed that I had got to 10cm with just gas and air and now it was time to push baby out and I had an epidural, which is not ideal at all. The hypnobirthing way is not to deliver on your back, use gravity to get baby out, obviously I can’t do that when my legs have been numbed, so from this point onwards I have to listen to the midwife rather than my body, I could feel the contractions but not the pain. I tried my hardest to push with the strength I had left (very little as I had been awake since Saturday morning) But unfortunately I needed help so they used forceps and I therefore had an episiotomy 😓😖 again not ideal but you have to do what you have to do for the safety on your baby, she arrived at 5.30am pure perfection, skin to skin, straight on the breast just perfect ❤

I hope that I haven’t put anyone off having babies 😂 of course it is all worth it and women do it again and again so it can’t be that bad can it! During pregnancy I did a lot of reading around hypnobirthing but also accessed a really useful informative online antenatal course from  @thebumptobabychapter on instagram, it’s broken into short videos in varied sections to look at as and when. Hope you have enjoyed reading, I think this is one of my longest blog posts…..sorry if you lost interest 🙊

Here are some pictures of my beautiful baby girl.

Momma’s back….

I can’t believe I haven’t wrote a blog post since the girls turned 2! They are now 4….and baby girl number 3 is due any day now! So ye we have been busy lol I stopped writing because I increased my hours at work, we started a house extension, life just got in the way. I love to write, always have, I find putting words down easier than saying them sometimes, that’s probably why I ignore people when they ring and then send them a message 😂😂 sorry friends!

whilst I’m on maternity leave again I figured I will have more time to write. I’m currently sitting on a birthing ball, at 39 weeks gestation, after having my 2nd sweep, bored out my brain 😒 so she appears to be quite laid back like her daddy, pretty comfortable in there, my cervix is still closed so she’s just not ready 🤷‍♀️ The reason for the sweeps prior to due date is because I am really keen on a VBAC delivery ( vaginal birth after Csection) and my understanding is that they would like to start me off naturally where possible, because a medical induction carries the risk of uterine rupture to my previous scar (a small risk but one they need to take into consideration) so I’m hoping within this week she makes her appearance 🥰

My big girls are so excited to meet their baby sister, we were trying for a month or 2, we are so so lucky that when we want to fall pregnant we do. I can’t wait to have my own little girl gang, my family is quite heavy with boys, i don’t even have a sister so I love the idea that my 3 girls will have each other! Although can you imagine the teenage years 🙈🙈 Hubby is totally out numbered and it did take him a while to get his head round the fact it was another girl, bless lol. He was convinced something might grow 😂😂 but we have had 4 scans in total so it is a little lady in there!

The girls are now at school, which is why we planned this pregnancy when we did, I’m hoping it’s a good age gap as it allows me to spend some one on one time with baby girl 👶🏼 They are absolutely loving it which I new they would, they love to learn, hate being bored, always need to be occupied. This is their 3rd week and they are coming out spelling out words with their phonic sounds, totally blowing my mind, they are only just 4, 7 weeks premature and absolutely smashing life! I’m so insanely proud of them. They still go to drama classes and have recently started dance and acro classes, which they really are enjoying 😊 costing me a fortune but hey that’s my life now.

I don’t even know if people read this or have any interest in my little life 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Keeps me occupied anyway lol here are some up to date pictures of the girls….

 

I have 2 year olds 🙈

So my babies turned 2 on 20th August and I just can’t cope with how fast the time has gone. I remember being heavily pregnant talking to my bump telling them bubbas to stay put for as long as possible and now I look and them and I am totally in awe of them, they truly amaze me! But I’m so not ready for anymore 😂 I always said a 2 year gap but that was if I only had a single child, I can’t imagine having another right now I’m enjoying them So much and they are growing and changing So quickly I don’t feel I have time to appreciate it now let alone if I added another! That’s just me though hat’s off to anyone with 2 year old twins and a baby on the way!!! Anyway of course we celebrated in style, because I’m extra 😂🙈 we had a unicorn tea party at home with 2 real life unicorns, which the children rode up and down our road!!! 🦄🦄 ( ponies with horns obvz) My girls absolutely loved them and had the best day with their little friends ❤️

I have this book that I am going to give the girls when they are older, I wrote in it for their 1st Birthday and have done so today telling them all about what we have been up to this year and how proud I am of them! I intend to write every year on their birthday and give it them on their 18th, I bet they will think I’m such a cringe mom!! Honestly though when I say I am proud of them it’s a total understatement, they are so fricking intelligent! I see 2 year olds regularly in my job and complete development checks and my girls are smashing it 💪💪. They know their full name, can count to 10, do their ABCs, all of their colours, all animals and sounds, all body parts, they can sing so many nursery rhymes word for word…..they just pick up things up rapidly and you only really have to show them a few times. To think they were born at 33weeks and you would neve even think that now!

I have been thinking about starting a YouTube channel, people that read my blog must do so from Instagram and I often post videos on my Instastory because the girls are so entertaining I love watching them and I want to share that with others. The current generation is all about YouTube its massive, I sound old now but I don’t really get it or am in to it so will have to do some vlogging research! I get the risk of having your children out there on the internet but they already are on Instagram and I get so much feedback of how much they make people smile and they look forward to their videos that I think a YouTube channel would be popular. If the girls didn’t enjoy it I wouldn’t do it, im not about exploiting my children and I certainly don’t sit there videoing them all day. Watch this space anyway I’m still not sure 🤔

Here are a few pics of the party ❤ and recent ones of the babes, thanks for reading 😘😘

To bikini or not to bikini!?

So the girls are 19 months now, it’s flying by! They are absolute characters, such funny personalities I wish you could all meet them, they make me laugh on a daily basis!! We are learning colours and numbers at the moment, their language improves daily, they amaze me as they are now saying 3-4 word sentences and linking things together. They sit on big girl chairs at a big girl table now to eat their meals (still eat like little piglets 🐷🐷 anything and everything.) Thay hate the pushchair and want to walk everywhere so we are practicing walking holding hands when we are out, debating buying reigns, what are people’s thoughts.? We still have irrational diva meltdowns but that’s just the part of toddler life I’m learning to accept! A friend posted a fantastic quote that totally made me realise they are allowed bad days, we are all allowed bad days….

I read my last post and it said I was going to write about fitness weight loss ect. 😒😐 so I feel ablidged to 😂 I have been using the my fitness pal app which has helped me be aware of my calorie intake. I have started running again about twice a week which is not enough I know but I got a Fitbit for my birthday recently which will encourage me to move more often (I’m 27 now 😓) My heaviest weight pregnant with the girls was 14stone 7pounds how embarrassing!!! So that was a 4 stone weight gain in pregnancy. When the girls were born I dropped 2 stone almost straight away so that was the babies, placenta, blood, fluid ect. But since they have been born I have been trying to lose the other 2 and now I can say ( before the Easter weekend 🙈🙊) I weighed in at 10stone 7pounds my prepregnancy weight!!! Yay but my body is totally not the same and I still don’t feel comfortable in a bikini so thinking maybe a gym….tone up the tum!? Watch this space…

Oh also forgot to mention we booked a few holidays for this year, super excited. We are off to Cuba in June just the 4 of us…..yes with toddlers on a 9 hour flight 😂😂😂 wish us luck!!! And Bulgaria in August with my Auntie, Uncle and Cousins which will be fab and not such a long flight so will be a breeze after Cuba 😂😂. Super excited to be going away just the 4 of us, last year we went to Portugal with my husbands family (parents, brother and his family, sister and her family) just before the girls turned 1. It was lovely but quite stressful with it being so many families and people to please. I felt like I had to worry about how the girls were all the time and it was hard to stick to a routine because of going out as a group. When we go to Bulgaria it’s just one other family and my cousins are all grown up (perfect babysitters 😉😉) I’m not feeling stressed or worried about it, we are very close and they adore the girls ❤️

So I have like just 6 weeks till Cuba looks like I’m not wearing a bikini then….didn’t realise it was so soon until I just looked at the calendar! Aaaaanyway, here is a recent pic of my little squidges to make you smile 😊😊

Busy Momma

I haven’t wrote on here since I returned to work. The girls are now 16 months, they have grown up so much in the last few months. I feel like they have transitioned into toddlers now 😢😔 I miss my little babies!! They have so much to say for themselves, language skills are amazing they copy every word I can’t even count how many words they have, definitely above their age in that area. They are finally walking confidentiality now 🙈🙊 they were so slow with their gross motor skills, they didn’t crawl until around 11months and walking at 16months. It so adorable to see them waddling around, they are quite short take after their 5ft momma, they look to small to be walking. I get a lot of comments from friends and family that they are quite clever as well ☺️☺️ They can identify most animals and the sounds, they know their body parts and facial features and they listen and understand so much, like you can be having a conversation with someone and they will pick up on an object and go and get it to bring to u 🙈🙊 proud of them!!!

Oh but it’s not all sweetness and smiles, they now have proper attitudes 😂😂 they frown and stick out their bottom lips, they demand you to do something or play something (with manners, always say please 😂) and if you don’t do it they have full blown arch their backs bang their head tantrums…..what the actual fuck!! They are not even 2 yet and I am dealing with double tantrums. We use the corner as a punishment and they just scream it out, but will give a cuddle and say sorry eventually! I honestly find the easiest way to prevent a meltdown is food 😂🙈 I really didn’t want to be one of those feeder moms but my girls love their food. So if we are going out I always make sure I have snacks to avoid embarrassment in a public place! Is that bad?? If they are at home I let them scream ignore them and wait for them to get over it….but I could not deal with that out and about especially if I’m on my own, so instead I will make them obese 😂😂😂😂

In all seriousness though I can honestly say I am finding it harder as they get older! Why do people say it gets eaisier…They were such golden babies and barely whined or cried, full of smiles and so pleasant! Let’s give them a break though they have been on and off, back and forth poorly for a while and that made them so miserable I seriously almost lost my shit!!!! But we all made it through 😂😂 and they are back to their happy playfull selfs…for now! Love them to bits though and wouldn’t change it, still feel super lucky and totally grateful!!! Anyway Im going to bed know I have work in the morning 👎🏻 I feel my next blog will be about weight fitness diet 💪

 

Working Momma..

Its been a while since I wrote….been back at work over a month now 😢 I work 3 days a week 8.30-4.30 visiting in the community. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be at all, work itself I am managing fine, I am slowly building back up my caseload of patients but trying to fit it in to a shorter working week. I miss the girls sooooo much, we had such fun together and now I have to fit that fun into 4 days a week.

Trying to manage the house work whilst working is my biggest struggle. On my days off in the week with the girls I like to take them to the park or soft play or to meet friends not stay in cleaning 😐😐 I really don’t enjoy cleaning but can’t stand mess…dilemma! So me and Nathan always argue about it, I feel like he just wants to be fun daddy come in from work and play. I’m moaning nagging boring mommy 😓 I don’t want to be that mommy!!!! We talked about hiring a cleaner….watch this space.

The girls go to nursery 1 day a week, they seem to really enjoy it but have been so snotty ever since they started 😔 one thing I can not stand is a child with a crusty snot nose vom! So I am constantly irritating them wiping it and removing bogies. My mom has them one day and week and she lives round the corner so it’s great she picks them up in the morning so I don’t have to worry about getting them ready and dropping them off. Then the 3rd day Nathan us going to trial working from home 😐 not sure how successful this will be but to out the girls in nursery 2 days a week would cost such a stupid amount of money not sure if it’s worth me working.

It is nice to be something other than just mommy, I don’t think I could ever not work…and I went to university for 4 years got my diploma and degree to be where I am so it would be a waste not to use it. I also want to be a positive role model to my girls and teach them to be strong independent women 💪💪

Maternity leave is almost over…

I’m due back at work on the 31st August so I have had roughly 13months off. I honestly thought by this point, 10 months in, I would be bored of baby company and in need of some adult conversation and brain stimulation but I can honestly say these last 10 months have been perfect, the time I have spent with my angels has been so precious. That is time I will never get back, I have got to see them progress and grow, sit up and say their first word, laugh and play. All day every day the 3 of us…there is honestly nowhere I would rather be!!

Dont get me wrong there have been difficult days, teething and colds causing whingy clingy babies but 80% of the time they are in routine, eat well, sleep well and play nicely. I am in awe of how good they are a and I’m so proud. We make plans at least 3 times a week so we are out and about seeing people which makes a massive difference. I think if I was on maternity leave and had no friends or family to visit I might have felt differently.

so work…the thought of it makes me feel a bit sick. I’m returning to 3 days a week not full time hours which is nice but I’m just not sure it’s what I want to do anymore. I trained as a paediatric nurse, then went straight into mental health nursing, then after 2 years of that straight into health visiting. Having the girls and what I went through in the beginning has definitely changed me and I feel like if I’m going to be spending 3 days away from them I want it to be doing something i am really passionate about. So we will see, watch this space!

I forgot to mention the girls eczema (bane of my life) has cleared up….nothing on the chest or back now. Myla just has a tiny amount in arms and leg creases, We can have a bath without scratching till we bleed and take our vest off and just lie in our nappy. I started using Epoch wash in the bath and Aveeno lotion to moisture it’s either that or they have just grown out of it. I am one happy momma looking forward to our first family holiday to Portugal in August now 😊☀️🌅

Will my body ever be the same!?

Ok so I have never been a skinny size 8, it’s not in me. I haven’t got time nor do I want to make the gym my life and let’s be honest….I like food too much. I’ve always been on the chunky side I would say but I felt my most beautiful on my wedding day and my honeymoon I was a comfortable size 12 and I weighed 10stone4 for my height still classed as overweight 😐😡 but that’s the thinnest I have ever been…I wouldnt want to loose my boobs bum n hips I have an hourglass figure and I like that.

I got married in September 2014 and was pregnant by February 2015 😂😂 we have been together 9 years this year though!!! I put on 4 1/2 stone in total during my pregnancy which I was shocked at. I started my pregnancy going to antenatal fitness classes and eating well but when all the stress and monitoring happened and with the concern and risk about the babies I stopped the exercise as my main priority was them not me. People did comment how big my belly was but it was twins so I’m supposed to have a big belly surely lol

Anyway the girls are 8months old now and I’m still 2stone heavier than what I want to be! I joined slimming world in December and I lost half a stone but the meetings and the talking about your life and paying £5 to get weighed just wasn’t for me!!! I haven’t put that weight on but I havent lost any since. I’m going to Madrid in June on a Hen do and our first family holiday to Portugal in August and I don’t want to be a heffa on the beach! To be honest I don’t think it’s about size because some girls work the skinny look and some girls work the curvy look. It’s about how you feel and your confidence and I do not feel confident about the way I look right now. I hate the scar from my c-section and the way my belly looks now…I have stretch marks and it’s just gross 😑

My baby girls are totally worth it and I would do it all over again so I suppose I just need to learn to love my mombod…I will lose the weight eventually but I have to accept that I won’t look like this anymore 😥….

Not just a mom..

The girls are 7 months now and I think I’m only just started to get my identity back. I love being a mom it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me but I do not want it to define me. I’m still Kerrie, I still like doing the things I used to….my priorities are different that’s all. Initially I didn’t want to leave the girls with anyone, probably because they were premature, the scare I had with Myla and because I’m a first time mom. Nathan and I didn’t go out together until Valentine’s Day when the girls were 6 months old. I did go for dinner and out with friends on a handful of occasions before that but only leaving the girls with nath. I didn’t trust anyone else.

I have made a real effort to maintain friendships because people say when you have kids you lose people from your life. Some people have become more distant due to being in a different place to me in their lives now which I accept but have tried to be as normal as possible with them. Like some friends are really into the girls always asking about them and want to see them which is great but some arnt as interested which is also fine and I don’t force information/pictures down their neck. (If u follow me on social media then you can’t really get away from it lol)

Seriously though I think it is so important to still have a social life where you go out and don’t necessarily talk about the girls for 1 night, try to get out of mommy mode and have some fun without worrying about them. As well as finding time together as a couple which we are making a special effort to do. We have been for a meal and the cinema twice without the girls since they were born so in 7 months 🙈🙈 lol. We have decided to make it at least a monthly thing from now on, you need to keep your relationship strong so you are strong as parents, raising twins is so hard I couldn’t imagine having to do it on my own, hats off to single moms especially those to multiples.

So with that said I’m going for a meal with math and then a night out with the girls for my 26th next week 😊🍷🍹🍸🎈🎉 can’t believe I’m 26….

Stupid Eczema!

I have suffered with mild acne since I was about 13…I’m now 25 and although it is much better I still don’t leave my house without a full face of makeup because of my insecurities. I did not want this for my children. While I was pregnant we used to wonder the usual who are they going to look like and I always said that I hoped they had Nathan’s skin because I didn’t want them to feel self conscious and worry about how they look like I did.

From about 4 months old we started to notice some dryness on both the girls but thought it was normal and continued to moisturise them. Then Myla started to get red patches on the left side of her face. Being a Health visitor I had lots of free samples for different emollients so started to use doublebase then cetraben then  dermol, epiderm, oilatum…you name it we tried it none of which seemed to be making much difference. I stopped using anything in her bath, stopped using softener in my washing, stopped wearing perfume…ect ect.

One day she woke up and she had an oozing wound because she had been rubbing and itching in her sleep, I burst in to tears and made an emergency appointment at the GPs. It broke my heart that I was trying my best and nothing was making it better for her. The GP diagnosed the patches as eczema and prescribed a mild steroid which I used for a week like instructed. The patches were almost gone by the end of the course but once I had stopped it came back with a vengeance and spread to her forehead and her neck it was so red and angry. I was so upset.

although I had skin issues I had never had eczema and nor had any of my family, Nathan’s mom brother and nephew all had it though 😐😐 . Why on her little face and why only her it didn’t seem fair. I started reading about using steroids on little ones and read about topical steroid withdrawal and how in the long term it makes it so much worse. So we have sacked off the steroids and are now trying natural options, aveeeno, oat baths and forever living aloe gelly and cream.

She has bad and good days but it’s always there and I hope and pray she grows out of it…if she doesn’t I will try my very best to make sure she doesn’t feel self conscious or anxious about it and tell her she is beautiful every single moment. For someone who has never had eczema I had the ‘it’s only eczema’ attitude….but it is awful and I feel sorry for anyone with it.